Bulimia, mania and migraine
Powerlessness, territorial anger and Internal Conflict
United Cerebral cortex, right dominant woman.
I met Martin on a Meta Health Course, where he was assistant. As a spiritual person, I believe that nothing is completely random, and I came into practice group with Martin, where he set my migraine problem in another light for me. It was something of a new great experience which, together with the desire to really clean up myself, did that I committed myself to TFT sessions with Martin. Of major issues were migraine, bulimia and anger on several levels.
Bulimia was a real companion in everyday life, but completely hidden from the outside world. I have had bulimia for approx. 25 years and has managed to hide the disease all around me the last 20 years. Territorial anger lashed out in a kind of manic cleaning and ventilation – provoked by the smell from the neighbors of tobacco smoke, strong cooking odors and smoke from not properly cleaned stoves and cookware, which seeps into my apartment – followed by powerlessness and felling of injustice: Why me?
Martins calm personality and his ability to stick to the real problem did that I felt comfortable and could open up to all the emotions that almost flowed out. I got rid of the guilt, the shame it’s disgusting and the being embarrassed by bulimia.
I got a different pattern and a completely different attitude to eating. I felt myself and my real appetite and enjoyment by giving my body something useful and tasty food. The funny thing was that I must have got rid of a lot of “other things”because even though I ate plenty of food and kept food in me, I lost weight! I saved a lot of money and got a lot of time.
I have relapsed, because the habit has much power, but I can feel that a calm feeling spreads in all my cells, so I know I will be fully recovered very soon.
Migraine issue is complex, and I get it in the recovery phase – which I get in up to meeting with my in-laws. Today I still get migraines, but not as strongly as before, and not every time I have met my in-laws.
After treatment I have been en company of persons who previously annoyed me tremendously. In these situations I have “checked my irritation / anger”, but it was gone. In fact, I enjoyed the company.
I’m still bothered by the strong smell in my apartment, but I will not be completely powerless afterwards as before.
A cause: I was supposed to be tolerant of my parents smoke. The whole family smoke. Tolerant of their smoke everyday. Tolerant of their needs. Tolerant of smoke everywhere. In the living room when we watched TV in the kitchen when my mother cooked, the bathroom where my father smoke every morning, in the car wherever we were going.
I drowned in their smoke. Drowned in meeting the needs of others. Was carsick, got headaches and felt constantly dirty – especially my hair. Tolerant to borrow my room next to the uncle, who was watching television. Requirements on my part: that he does not smoke in my room. Uncle said afterward that he “accidentally” smoked in my room. I felt “overruled”. Powerless, violated in my very innermost, desperate and dirty. The feeling of drowning in shit and be forced to accept it, has given me a manic vigor, when I get triggered by the bad smell.
In general, I feel that I remember using TFT every day so I am more calm and gain a greater mental energy. Meta Health and TFT, through Martin certainly helped me to get hold on a lot of emotion, which so far has prevented me from an optimal life.